Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
