Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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