Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
