we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
