I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
