PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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