That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Randomize
