My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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