Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
