the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
