I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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