Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
