worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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