I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
