Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
