I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
