Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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