we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize