Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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