I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
