Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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