I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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