I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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