i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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