and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
