I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
