sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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