is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
