dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize