that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
