she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You left your phone here
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