I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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