I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
