dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
