me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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