I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
