I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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