i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
