FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
