Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I think my moral compass just broke
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
