I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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