ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
