The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
