girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Randomize
