May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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