i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
