Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
