i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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