i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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