just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
