you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
