I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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