4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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