drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
