1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
