New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
