The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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