I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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