I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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