we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
