I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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