It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Alive.
So much puke
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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