Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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