70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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