I'm eating all of the evidence.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
