Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize