I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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