dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
