he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
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