i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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