Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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