Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
