i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
