her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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