i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
