Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
