I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize