My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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