Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
