i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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