party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
